Your 6-Year-Old: Playing fair

Playing fair

Most 6-year-olds hate to lose. In fact, they find it so disheartening that they may try to slip a card they don't like back into the deck during a game of Go Fish, or even change the rules midgame. What's the deal — and how should you deal? Cheating is a developmental issue at 6 as your child struggles with the reality that he can't win all the time.

Your 6-year-old now

At this stage, your child is still learning right from wrong and what it means to play fair. It's your job to help him be a gracious winner and a good loser.

Start by playing some games that he has a good shot at winning, ones that rely more on luck than strategy. If he gets practice winning, he'll gain some confidence. If he cheats or stomps away from a game because he's losing, talk to him about the ramifications of his behavior. "When you don't follow the rules (or you're a sore loser), people won't want to play games with you." Or, "I'm not going to play if you cheat. Cheating isn't fair." Ask your child how he felt when he won but knew he didn't play honestly. Did that feel good?

Look for games and activities that aren't all about competition. Games and sports shouldn't be stressful for 6-year-olds; they should be fun.

Your life now

It's inevitable that you and your partner won't see eye-to-eye on every parenting issue. After all, you're two different people who were brought up in two different families yourselves. Raising kids is one big compromise after another, so try to give your child's other parent a bit of wiggle room on the small things.

Generally speaking, the parent who is present should be the one who is calling the shots in terms of discipline in any given situation; it's not fair for someone who wasn't there in the moment to walk in and undermine how the other parent is handling a situation.

When there are big differences – and there will be – negotiate them out of your child's sight and earshot. It's best when both parents agree on the major issues, such as bedtimes and basic household rules. But it's also best that they're presented with a united front, rather than being made up as you go along or debated right in front of your child.