Your 6-Year-Old: The power of positivity

The power of positivity

Positive reinforcement isn't a cliché, it's a valuable childrearing approach that can steer your child toward the kinds of behavior you want with a minimum of raised voices or defiance. It can take a while to get the hang of reframing your words to emphasize the positive, but once you have the habit, you're apt to see results in the form of a more cooperative and eager-to-please child.

Your 6-year-old now

There's an old song that perfectly captures how to encourage good behavior in a first grader: "You've got to accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative…"

It's so easy to focus on what a child is doing wrong. Using a more positive approach can take a little more effort, but it's more productive, especially at this praise-hungry, fragile age. Start by complimenting good behavior more often than you chastise the bad: "I like the way you solved that. Taking turns was a good idea." This tells your child he'll get your attention for his good conduct rather than his bad.

Offer a special privilege as a reward once in a while. You're not bribing him (offering to give him something in exchange for not misbehaving). You're just showing him that doing good can have positive consequences.

When you do need to stop a behavior, try to stay away from negative statements. For example, instead of snapping, "Don't call your brother names," you might say calmly, "You need to treat your brother respectfully. Is calling names respectful?" Learning these techniques takes practice, but the impact can be profound.

Your life now

As important as being affectionate with your child is showing affection for other people so that he can observe it. It's great for a child to see parents hug or kiss or to see a mother greet her own mother warmly. Your child is closely watching your behavior even if it doesn't seem like he's paying the least bit of attention.