How Do Asian Students Get to the Top of the Class?by Dr. Soo Kim Abboud and Jane Kim
Clearly Define Your Child's Role as a Student
1. Respect your elders and obey your parents.
2. Study hard and do well in school to secure a bright future.
Asian parents do several things that allow their children to embrace the role of student:
1. They manage their children's time outside of school.
2. They assume the role of educator after school hours.
3. They teach their children that being a student is both fun and rewarding (with the help of their children's educators).
4. They have a genuine respect for educators.
To encourage your children to embrace the role of student, turn your home into an exciting place for learning! Set aside at least one hour every night to focus on homework or review the subjects your children are struggling with. Even after the homework is done, review the principles learned that day at school together. If you, as parents, are willing to spend time and effort on your children's studies, your children will more likely view their schoolwork as meaningful. For the same reason, the more fun you have reviewing the material together, the better! Our father loved to conjure up additional problems to reinforce our homework assignments — without them, he was never fully convinced that we understood the material.
When it's time for your children to tackle the books, make sure they are in a place where you can see them. This way, they can come to you with questions and you can also ensure they are doing their homework (and not goofing off, or dozing off). Of course, don't forget to allow your children some time to unwind and relax, particularly immediately after coming home from school.
Getting your children to embrace being students also involves individualizing methods of learning that will work best for them. In order to determine what these methods are, schedule frequent meetings with your children's teachers and get their feedback on what learning and teaching methods work best for them. After all, these educators spend all day with your kids and can easily identify their strengths and weaknesses. Once you have this information, your teaching (and your children's learning) will become more effective.
Finally, we can't stress enough how important it is to instill a respect for educators in your children. Asian parents possess the utmost respect for educators, and this respect is passed onto their children. Asian parents never undermine an educator's authority, and they view their children's educators as collaborators — not adversaries. If your children do not respect their educators, it will be incredibly difficult — if not impossible — for them to respect and embrace their roles as students.
Reward Positive School Performances and Devise a Plan of Attack for Poor School Performances
All parents and educators believe in positive reinforcement for a job well done. However, many American parents also reward their children for mediocre school performances, fearing that if they are too negative, they might permanently damage their children's self-esteem. While positive reinforcement is effective and feels good, the goal of a parent interested in raising achievers should be to mainly reward performances that are praiseworthy. Of course, we are in no way advocating negative reinforcement. While harsh punishment for mediocre or poor grades may improve school performance temporarily, the pressure, resentment, and fear this strategy fosters in your children can have negative long-term repercussions.
While American parents continually try to boost their children's self-esteem, Asian parents tend to dole out praise less frequently. If your son is struggling in biology class and brings home a poor grade despite hours of studying, don't simply praise his efforts and ignore his grade. After praising him for his dedication, sit down with him to discuss how his efforts can result in a better grade the next time around (you may need to include his educator).
It's OK to show your child that you are proud of his effort yet unsatisfied with his performance. While American parents go to great lengths to stress the importance of effort regardless of the result, Asian parents tend to be more results-oriented. Stressing both effort and achievement rather than effort alone can make all the difference in your child's academic performance without in any way hurting your child's emotional well-being.
Parents play a crucial role in their child's academic and professional success. In Top of the Class: How Asian Parents Raise High Achievers - and How You Can Too, we discuss 17 ways parents can raise children to love learning and maximize their intellectual potential. While many of the methods run counter to our American culture, we believe that no other investment a parent can make will provide as many long-term rewards.
