Learning Effective Parenting(讀書會心得之一)

These three scenes, which all took place during office hous in our pediatric practice,illustrate three fundamentally different approaches to bringing up children. (In each case,"mother" stands for the parent or guardian accompanying the child.)

"Sit down right here and be quiet!" The boy's mother attempts to talk with the physician. Her four-year-old romps around the room, playing with items on the instrument table and trying to use the telephone. His mother reacts as if she had a butterfly net in her hand and sometimes jumps even before the little boy moves. "stay there. Don't touch that! That belongs to the doctor . Leave that light alone! Do I have to take you on my lap? Are you asking for a smack?"

During the conversation , a little girl attempts to get her mother's attention with all kids of questions. She's interested in a picture on the wall that shows the archangel Michael fighting with the dragon.

Child: Mommy , who's that in the picture?
Mother: A man who's killing an animal.
Child: Why is there fire coming out of its mouth?
Mother:It is meant to be a dragon.
Child: Mommy , what's that thing around his head?
Mother: The painter wanted to show people that the man is nice ,so he painted taht yellow circle around his head.[Pause.]
Mother :Doctor, she simply can't stay in bed at night.
Child:Mommy, why does the man have wings? He's not a biiiirrd!
Mother: That's supposed to be an angel.
Child: But there isn't any devil,is there, Mommy?
Mother: No, you known there isn't. Will you let me talk to the doctor now?
Child: Mommy I want a drink. [her mother gives her a bottle.]
Mother: She doesn't want to eat anything at lunchtime, and I don't force her.
Child: But Mommy, you said I always like to eat chips. I want a biscuit, Mommy . [Her mother gives her the whole box.]
Mother: But we only have them once a week. And she dosen't touch anything else.
Doctor: She must be eating something. What else do you like to eat?
Child: Jam.
Mother: Yes, she eats it by the spoonful, right out of the jar. Half a jar at a time.
Doctor: And just let her?
Mother: Yes, Is it all right to stop her? I thought children were supposed to known what they need.

At first, the third child settles down and plays by himself. After a little while, he begins to explore the room. Sensing that the adults' attention is not on him, he approaches his mother and quietly asks her a pressing question to confirm that he still "in the picture." His mother either answers right away or takes him on her lap briefly until she is able to whisper him the answer. The interruption is almost unnoticeable. Satisfied, he goes back to playing quietly by himself for a while. He drifts in and out of the conversation from time to time, sometimes even addressing the doctor, to assure himself that he is still included in the "soul space" that develops between the doctor and his mother.

What does each example tell us about the "soul space" of the parent-child relationship?

1.Mean what you say and do Consistency is important
2.Take your own work seriously.
3.Review the day's events each evening.
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